So I Lied! #3 Ã¢Â€Â“ September 4, 1984 - The Whining Kent Pigs

SO I LIED*********************************************************************************Issue 3 4 September 1984*********************************************************************************From the Oakland Athlectics' local A baseball farm team: "No other team ishipper, Let's win one for the Flipper! Madison Muskies, let's go Fish!!"This is SIL, the new hip Dip zine from MadTown USA. This issue, regretably,is late and might be on the lean side. It galls to be late with #3 already, butLabor Day weekend was Moving Weekend for us. The total chaos created by the moveput everything behind schedule, and I simply wasn't able to recover sufficentlyto get the zine out on time. Our apologies. On the other hand, if you thinkthis issue is going to be free or something, you're nuts! My biggest regret isthat the move prevented Debi and me from attending PudgeCon, still my favoriteCon (aside from MadCon, natch!). I also lost my shot at the hat trick. Say John,did Bob give out "three-year pins" or anything like that? Whatta cheapie.Sub fee for this rag is $.60/issue; there are still game openings in regularDip and two variants, Final Conflict and Abstraction II. Response for the variantshas been very poor, and if interest doesn't improve I'll drop the idea ofrunning those games. So if you've thought about trying something different fromthe same ole Dip games, let me know! Both games are excellent change-of-pacecreations. Our second game of regular Dip has at least four signed up: KenKatano, Ron Spitzer, John Crosby, and David Stone. I say "at least" because Iget the distinct feeling somebody else wished to play, but in the confusion I mayhave misplaced the request. If you wanted in and your name isn't listed, let meknow. And, like all GM's, we need standbys; at this point my list is two long:Ken Peel and Bob Olson. Please, folks, don't make a grown man grovel. Andagain, if you have indicated you will standby and you name isn't listed, let meknow. Things will become much more organized once we've settled in.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are abuck thirty-nine, and deer nuts are under a buck.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Way back when, in issue one or two of Paul Rauterberg's MidLife Crisis, Paulsplit up a fairly lengthy poem and inserted the sections of poetry as a sort ofidea seperator. It was a great idea that Paul never followed up on; so I plan onre-introducing the concept here. However, as this zine hasn't got a stitch ofclass, the seperators will consist of bad jokes, dirty little ditties and thelike. (The above, unfortunately for you, is a perfect example!) As my repetoireof said material is pretty limited (I'm basically a nice, clean guy at heart)y'all are encouraged to submit your bad jokes, risque limericks, etc., and ifused, they will net you two free issues. And you thought your gross Uncle Erniewould never be good for anything!---------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Since my nieces are darlings", said Sid"I oblige them and do what I'm bid."As he tucked them in bed,He asked "What's to be read?""Uncle Remus!" they cried--so he did.

Many. pubbers are proud of the intellectual level of their subbers, andthrow elaborate/complex quizes in their direction. Well, I know better aboutthe folks who sub to SIL, so I tried a contest that seemed absurdly simple.The result? Not a single correct answer. Perhaps it is my readers who aresimple? At any rate, no one could guess the origin of this zine's name. Mustnot be any sports fans out there, because anyone who watched any pro footballor buckets last fall/winter couldn't possibly have missed the Lite beer commercialfeaturing Bob Uecker, ex-pro baseball catcher and current voice of theMilwaukee Brewers. The ad featured Bob siting in a bar and smiling into thecamera saying "Ah these sports fans, I love 'em! In a minute they'll be buyingme my favorite beer" and Bob goes on to extoll the virtues of Lite beer.Sure enough, a fan walks up to Uecker, hands him a can of Lite, and says "It'san honor to buy a beer for a famous guy like Whitey Ford!" Whereupon Ueckerturns around, leans toward the camera, and with the most shameless smirk onhis face, mutters softly, "So I Lied!". And not a soul got this gimme contest.Perhaps it should be taken as an encouraging sign that no one watchedenough boob tube to get this one, but I'll bet some of you recall thatad.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tommy was at the zoo with his parents when he approached his mother and said"Mommy, what is that thing hanging down from the elephant?" "That's his trunkdear" she replied. "No, no, that thing in back" insisted the child. "Oh,that's his tail" said his mother. "NO, NO! That thing between his legs!""oh, uh" stammered the flustered mother "well, that's nothing, Tommy." "Notsatisfied, the boy went over to his father and repeated the qustion. "Why,that's his trunk" said Dad. "No, no, Dad, that thing in back." "Oh, that'shis tail." "NO, NO!" yelled the frustrated boy, "that thing between hislegs!" "Oh that" replied his father, "Well, this is a male elephant and thatis his reproductive organ, son." "Oh" said the kid, and thought about itawhile. Finally he said "I asked Mommy what it was and she said it was nothing.""Well son" said the father patting his son kindly on the head, "yourmother has been spoiled!"------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Midwest Mob has it's first "non-resident" member! By a vote of "alot" to two, MIKE BARNO was voted in for displaying exemplary behavior. Immediatelyafter the vote was taken, Ludes (Mark Luedi) got a good laugh by announcingthat Mike has six months to relocate. Actually, not a bad idea atall. Paul has thought about moving to MadCity recently; with those two addedto the MadTown roster... Well, it just sort of boggles the mind, don't it?!?This month's nomination for Honorary Member of the MidWest Mob is GARYCOUGHLIN. Very early in the year, Gary told me he'd only be able to make oneCon this year, and it would definitely be MadCon 84! For that example ofclarity of priorities, and for appropriate behavior (Gary definitely knows howto party, and has demonstrated time and again that the people in the hobby andthe pleasure that comes from socializing with them rank far above mere gaming)Gary has been nominated as an Honorary Member. As the date of the next localCon is uncertain, it may take awhile for the vote on this one, but don't despair,Gary, it will get done.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Speaking of priorities, two MadLads struggle with another weighty decision:IM TRYING TO DECIPSWHETt4aR_..TO ,60 Home...

*****************************************************************************************FOOL' OVERTURE 1984 HA SPRING 1901*****************************************************************************************AUSTRIA (Jeff Sandelin, 417 Edwards St., Fort Collins, Co 85042)A Tri-Alb, A Bud-Ser, A Vie-Gal.ENGLAND ( Mike Barno , 2811 Robins St., Endwell , NY 13760)F Lon-Nth, F Edi -Nwg, A Lpl-Yrk.FRANCE ( Michael Quirk, 3830 Chester Dr., Glenview , IL 60025)F Bre-Eng, A Mar-Spa , A Par-Gas.GERMANY (Ken Hager, 412 Alderdale Circle, Anaheim , CA 92807)A Mun-Ruh , F Kie-Den, A Ber-Kie.ITALY (Dale Bakken , 1814 Cameron Dr., #3, Madison , WI 53712)A Ven-Tri , A Rom Ven, F Nap-Ion.RUSSIA (Matt Fleming, 4290 Chateau de Ville #C, St. Louis, MO 63129)A War-Ukr, A Mos-StP , F StP ( sc)-Got , F Sev-Bla.TURKEY ( David Pierce, 13521 Pleasant Lane , Burnsville, MN 55337)A Con-Bul , F Ank -Con, A Smy-Ank.PRESS• ^ ^ Y^"^^" ' Austria-Germany : I'll leave my6 1..^-JJ back open to you if you leaveyours open.Austria-England: How's life onthe home islands these days?((Threatening to get crowdedvery quickly!)) Maybe we canget together some day.To the GM ((from France)): Yourliberal ravings about the SupremeCourt were quite funny.You have more to fear fromliberals who will do thingsto you "for your own good"than from anyone Regan mightput on the court. Just togive one example, it was aliberal Supreme Court thatsaid it was legal for FDR toput American citizens in concentrationcamps.GM-Quirk: How disappointing,Mike; I was hoping for something other than another trite reply. You don't like what youhear, so you simply label it the "ravings" of a "liberal", that comforting catch-all wordthat lets so many reactionaries sleep soundly at night, knowing there are people outthere to hate. Naturally, your words in no way refute the point I was making: thatunder Regan we are losing and will continue to lose our civil rights, not to mention thefew government agencies that actually exist to serve the peoples' interests.France-John DeLorean: I don't care what the jury said, you are still a scumbag. I hopeyou OD on drugs. ((Nicely put, Michael. But if you dislike him so, why wish him such ahappy ending?))France-Madison : I hear you tar and feathered M. Frueh and ran him out of town. Now thatis what I call urban renewal.MadMan-GM: Hmmm ...okay Marc, I give up. Which one is the MadLad? ((Actually, itappears there are two : you, because your reside in MadTown, and Quirk , ' cause the boy isoutta his head!)Italy-Russia: Bud doesn ' t suck. I wouldn't rate it that good!Rome-London : Welcome aboard the Midwest party train!Italy: I'd like to propose a concession to Italy. All in favor say "aye". All opposedsay "no ". Eyes about the nose. I win.Bakko-Quirko : You'll never win a press war with this GM! I'll feed him b eers and twisthis mind and he'll never make any sense! ((What , this is news?! You've been feeding mebeers and twisting my mind for years and years! "Still crazy after all these beers"!)

******************************************************************************************"INSANITY DIP" GAMESTART!!!******************************************************************************************Yes folks, to the best of my very limited knowledge, this event is a first. Neverbefore in the history of Diplomacy have seven lunitics gotten together with an equallyunhinged GM to inflict upon the game such an atrocity. Right you are, it's the UltimateBrand of Diplomacy: CrossGamers Delight! Seven victims of DipLust will play seven simultaneousgames (each country once) against the other six. (This is where we test thevalidity of the "Burnout Theory".) So witness this possible once-in-a-lifetime displayof The Carrousel of Death. Some capitalistic soul could even start a pool: who will gobonkers first? Perhaps one of the players, when the other six decide to immediately rubhim out of of all seven games, just for laughs? Or maybe the GM, who realizes one seasonthat he's accomplished the hat trick: an adjudication error in each game? To find outwho's the first to crack, stay tuned to this zine. The results will probably be printed,minus the press, although if it's not unwieldy, who knows?THE CASTJohn Crosby........ 330 Hunterhill Trail, Roswell GA 30075Evans Givan........8066 Camstock Circle, Citrus Heights CA 95610Steve Knight....... 11905 Winterthur Lane #103, Reston VA 22091Al Pearson.........P.O. Box 898, Charlestown WV 25414Paul Rauterberg.... 4922 W. Wisconsin Avenue, Milwaukee wI 53208Don Scheifler ...... 23 Ponca, Kirkwood, MO 63122James Wall ......... 1805 University Avenue #5, Madison WI 53705GM....Marc Peters .... 1814 Cameron Street # 3, Madison WI 53711GAME 1 ATLAS GAME 2 ALCYONEGAME 3 ELECTRAA......James Wall A...... Steve Knight A......Evans GivanE......Steve Knight E......Evans Givan E......Paul RauterbergF...... Evans Givan F......Paul Rauterbewrg F......Don ScheiflerG......Paul Rauterberg G......Don Scheifler G......Al PearsonI......Don Scheifler I...... Al Pearson I......John CrosbyR......Al Pearson R......John Crosby R......James WallT...... John Crosby T......James Wall T......Steve KnightGAME 4 MAIA GAME 5 MEROPEGAME 6 PLEIONEA......Paul Rauterberg A......Don Scheifler A......Al PearsonE......Don Scheifler E...... Al Pearson E......John CrosbyF......Al Pearson F......John Crosby F......James WallG......John Crosby G...... James Wall G......Steve KnightI......James Wall I...... Steve Knight I......Evans GivanR......Steve Knight R...... Evans Givan R......Paul RauterbergT......Evans Givan T......Paul Rauterberg T......Don ScheiflerGAME 7 TAYGETAThe games were 1 2 3 4 5 6 7A......John Crosby arranged using theG F EE......James Wall chart on the right. Steve gJames KnightE A A T T R I R IF......Steve Knight Names were filled EvansG FA T A R GG...... Evans Givan in as players entered Paul EvansRauterberg fler G IF E E T I R II......Paul Rauterberg so selection was ran- Don scheirsonPG F E A T RR...... Don Scheifler dom. First deadline Al sonT......Al Pearson is 8-weeks. Subse- Pearson E R G F E A Tquent deadlines will John Crosby T R I G F E Abe regular 4-weekers,coinciding with the other games in this zine.This line-up features some pretty reliable writers, so it should be very interesting.Good luck to all of you.

This is being thrown at you by me, James Wall, who resides at1805 University Avenue, #5, Madison, WI 53705. This is a newapartment for me and is alot nicer than the one I forced allthose who attended Mad-Con II to stay in. My ceiling doesn'tleak when it rains, we have hot water, the roof doesn't sag atfunny angles, and the refrigerator doesn't attack you wheneveryou open the door. I wonder if this is known as moving up inthe world. I do climb one fewer set of stairs after all.GAME OPENING: I've got two signed up for the one game that Iplan on running here. Gamefee is 3$ with a 2$ NMR fee that isrefundable with the proper gaming etiquette. I'll send outresults separately to the players and they'll be a part of thesub-zine as well. The one thing that I will promise the playersis that I'll get the results out on time.Political Meanderings: Last issue took me not a little bit bysurprise. I did not know of Marc's plans to rebuttal my columnin an editorial before you did and thus I feel that a couple offollow-up thoughts are necessary to explain my problems with herchoice. I am a political science Graduate student whose area ofconcentration is electoral politics and the reasons behind whypeople vote as they do. I am also arealist/Conservative/Republican in that order. My last columnwas the political aspect of me, this is the partisan half of me.Mrs. Ferraro was chosen solely for the happenstance of her sex,not her qualifications. Mondale was desparate for someone tospice up the ticket, his answer was Ferraro. The gamble on hispart was that Ferraro would enable him to concentrate on thesouth and west while still maintaining himself in the Midwestand the Ecc. The misleading thing about the public opinionpolls is that they are, for the most part, done on the nationallevel and as a result the data is always likely to come out muchcloser than the final results. The Electoral College ensuresthat a state by state head-to-head match-up is necessary toaccurately forecast who's doing well. When one looks at theelection on an electoral vote analysis the gap becomes quitelarge. The only states that I'd give to Mondale, at the moment,are Mass, R.I., N.Y., Minn., Md., D.C., W.Va. with a total of 95electoral votes. Reagan, on the other hand, I'd give 27 stateswith 291 electoral votes. 270 are needed win. Mondale couldsweep every single swing state and still lose. Ferraro didnothing to alleviate this trend and THAT is why I view herchoice as being so short-sighted a choice. I've yet to decideon whether or not the financial shenanigans are a big thing ornot. The one thing I do know is that the charges against herare of a more serious nature than those lodged aganst Ed Meeseand look how long his nomination has been held up.

The real reason for Mark " Poison Pen " Frueh's moving to St.Louis has come to light . Ken-L Ration has announced thatthey will be opening the world ' s largest puppy chowprocessing plant there in September. Mark is currentlycamped outside the plant to be sure that he is the first inline to apply for the quality control section.Terry Tallman has reportedly taken Paul Rauterberg to courtclaiming that Paul infringed on his copyrights of the words"asshole " and "slug " by printing both of them in the latestissue of " Midlife Crisis". The only reactionf from Paul todate is the exclamation that he thought Rrrrrusnak had thecopyright to the word " asshole".Debby Peters reallly hates it wen James misstipes hissubzine and has threatened to tipe it all over if he doesnot claen up his act.Scott Hanson was recently seen leaving Discount Recordswith the entire collection of Twisted Sister albums underhis arm. Current thought has him threatening to give themto Frauke if she doesn ' t clean up her act.Matt Fleming has reportedly signed a multi-year contractwith Mill brewery that makes him the national spokesman forMiller Beer . Since his conversion to Miller at Mad - Con II,Matt just can't get enough Miller to keep him happy.That ' s understandable since his prior beer favorite wasBudweiser ( horse swill).Carl Russel is still holding out on his promise to play atleast one game rationally . The next question is, "Willpublic opinion be able to sway Carl , much less move him?"Jim Meinel recently got slapped in the local IGA store inAlaska after Kevin Tighe told him to go in and ask thereceptionist if they carried Eskimo fur pies. He still hasno idea why he got such a cold reception from her.Bruce Linsey has announced that he is going to be puttingout the hobby houserules for hobby conduct soon. SteveKnight has reportedly already asked to be the editor ofthis project.We have declared war on the Soviet Union and will belaunching our missiles in five minutes.The FBI has recently discovered that a hobby member hasbeen using an alias and playing Diplomacy for to these manyyears. That ' s right , Tom Swider is really an alias forPercy " Whiner" Spghettioli . His crimes included murder inKalamazoo , extortion in Madison , and bad foot odor inDetroit.

"BuT OFFICER ... I was only doingBOTTOMS UP!*******************************************************************************^Well , I guess Marc wants me to get my ass in gear and write an article. So,I've stuck this pencil up my ass and I'm writing as fast as I can, Marc. I'mwriting as fast as I can.Since this is an election year and everybody has a political opinion ,mine: I don ' t know and I don't care.here'sHey Sports Fans! Have any of you become Cub fans yet? They seem to becrawling out of the walls around Mad Town! I ' m not one of them, youunderstand. (I'm still a TRUE BLUE BREW CREW fan despite their being 30+ gamesout). But it's hard to ignore a team that hasn't won anything in 45 years andall of the sudden becomes a front runner . Some of my friends are Cub fans andnaturally I've been getting a pretty good razzing from them. I kind'a hopethey ( the Cubs ) choke, just to shut up my buddies; but, I also hope they makethe World Series . I want to see how the owners and the TV people work out thisbusiness of night baseball games . ( The Cubs ' Wrigley Field has no lighting.)If the Cubbies do make the World Series , I hope they play day baseball. I'llbe at work and won't have to watch.The NFL season is almost here , too. I didn't watch much of that " USless"Football League. Locally speaking , I'm a Green Bay Packer fan and I think theyare the team to beat for the Central Division. The Pack finally fired BartStarr's ass and Forrest Gregg has proven he's a winner. With the Packers'potent offense ( Lofton, Jefferson , Coffman, Dickey, et al),-all they have to dois come up with any kind of defense (2nd worst in NFL history last season) toimprove on last year ' s 8-8 record.The Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions should provide a challenge , too. CoachMike Ditka has Jim McMahon at QB (QuarterBack ) and Walter Payton at RB (RunningBack ); and plus , always tough , ferocious defense. The Detroit Lions kept BillySims from defecting to that " other league " and Detroit did win the divisionlast year.I don ' t expect much out of Minnesota or Tampa Bay; although, they might be goodfor a few upsets between them . Of course, injuries and trades sometimes helpmake or break a team . Given the previous history of the Black and BlueDivision , anything CAN happen and very often does. Some people will doanything to spoil my Sundays . Such as it is, don't look for any of these teamshere to play the Super Bowl. You best leave that for the Raiders , Dolphins,Cowboys , Redskins or (Fill In Your Town).There is a good possibility that I'll try to run some sort of Super Bowl Poolor Contest. I haven't thought it all out yet and since I'm already a day latewith this article ( Peters is just-a-cussing under his breath !), I'll wait 'tilnext month before giving out details . Here's something to break up themonotomy:Short sport Squiz1. Who ' was the last Chicago Cub player to be named MVP?

2. What year "and" what nickname did the New York Mets have when they won theWorld Series?3. What was the first NFL team to lose a super Bowl?4. What college football team holds the record for the most consecutivelosses?If anyone can answer 3 out of the 4 questions (or better), you get a free issueof your favorite Dipzine! (You're gonna get "SIL" no-matter-what folks, sojust grin and bear it!) As an alternative, if you don't want the free ish, youget a kiss from me - "Rockin Bakken." Ooooo-I can't wait to see Kathy Byrnesface turn green with envy when I plant a smooch on Caruso's lips! (John, I'llsend you the answers in my next letter. You might need some help!)Well, I guess I can pull this pencil out of my ass now. It needs sharpeninganyways. Till next month - BOTTOMS UP!!***************************************************************************Thanks, Bakko, for FINALLY getting your first article in. The sports quizis a good one--not too tough for those who aren't sports fanatics, but acouple of challangers, too. (I got only two correct.) I'm looking forwardto having a sports column in this zine, as sports is rather important tome. I see the MadMan made no mention of the UW Badgers in this issue.Many locals think the University's football team will do well this year,pointing to eighteen returning lettermen and a tough defense that now hasanother year of experience under its belt. In fact, in their pre-seasonpreview Playboy magazine ranked the Badgers EIGHTH in the nation and pickedthem to finish second in the Big Ten! Yeah, right. The Badgers will begood, but not THAT good. Playboy ought to go back to what they do best.Personally, I pick the Badgers to finish behind Michigan and Iowa. If theBadgers play like they should and come up with even a moderately talentedQB, they should beat out either Ohio State or last years Big Ten champsIllinois; with lots of luck they could top them both.Speaking of UW quarterbacks, ex-Badger Randy Wright had an excellentpre-season with the GB Packers, and was quickly moved into the #2 spot behindLynn Dickey. Watch out for the Packers this years, as Bakko alludedto. Green Bay has the receivers to make any QB look good, and Dickey has agenuine golden arm. The only problem is he also has the knees of an 80-year old grandfather with arthritis. This year, however, with Wright behindDickey... As they say in Green Bay: "You can beat our Pack, but youcan't lick our Dickey!"---------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. What do you call a dirty rag doll with a stone in its mouth?A. A dirty cotton rock sucker.^1a cNle0---------------------------------------------------------------------------Next Up , ED--the cause of the COA fold . When Woody discovered theonly thing of worth was leaving his zine, he figured it was time to hang itup.

#26 Expletive Deleted Go Ronnie!***Yup, -----------------------------------------------------------------------this is it; EXPLETIVE DELETED, the only subxyn to boycott the1984 Summer Olympics! This is the ECC's bastion inside of "the mostwretched hive of scum and villiany", also known as So I Lied! the xyndedicated to MadLads. Can I get away with saying that word in their ownxyn? If not, Puppy sent a thug after me. To see if I!m still alive, callme at (212) 976-2727. Or drop me a line at: PO Box 1324; SUNY Binghamton,NY 13760.An ED-torialWinning is Everything?***For several months, I have wanted to share an incident which occured early thissummer in out family. Some of this I apologize for;I don't want to bore you with asob story, but all this should tie in nicely with my theme of "winning".***Weightlifting is a new hobby of mine, but my brother John has been lifting for manyyears. He used to be a skinny beanpole, and a burnout in his highschool years (ie: hegot involved with some wrong numbers and some 'substances' which didn't help any).He got a degree, a wife and his weightlifting hobby has helped him lead a happier life.***This June, the Binghamton area had its first Southern Tier Bodybuilding competitions,and my brother had decieded to enter. Some of his friends from local health clubs (ie:Pumphouse, Body Image; sort of like Jack LaLane for those of you in the big cities) hadparticipated in events such as this before in Rochester, and encouraged him to give ita try. Our family went to see this event, and although my brother tried hard, he didn'twin any awards or trophies. I didn't know what to tell my brother afterwards, but triedto give some support.***My father had become upset over this. John was able to accept defeat, and mentionedthat this experience had taught him much; perhaps next time he could be better prepared?Dad went out and got drunk. We live out in the country a ways, so any drive back afterdrinking is potentially dangerous.***One must understand the significance of the ' defeat' being in that of weight-training.Losing a game is a blow to ones ego. Losing a talent contest is a worse blow. Bodybuildingis even more sensative . Anybody that has ever weightlifted before knows what I am referingto. When you go to work out in one of these joints , there are many musclebound types thathave been doing this for many years . Joe Shmoe Novice goes in for a week and never returnsbecause his ego gets beat up. When you notice you can't lift half as much as the otherguys are , despair sets in quickly. The message that your body is inferior is one that hasmany complications . Anybody sticking with weightlifting for more than a year deserves apat on the back. In my book , they are all winners.***My father's sour grapes reaction has caused something inside me to stir. Oh, its notjust Dad, but many people. Why is 'winning' so damn important to so many people? I feela majority of the people feel the same way I do, but the minorities are the ones whichare the loudest voices, which in turn make others feel insecure in their positions towardswinning. Or drugs. Or cheating on tests. Or any other topic.***The whole point of all my ranting here is to make the voices of the average be heard.It's "OK" not to win , or to drink . It's also "OK " not to drink . People should keep intouch with their feelings , and if they feel good about themselves , go full steam ahead andignore complaints from the outsiders . Winning is nice , but its not the only thing. Johnhas gone a long way from his teen years , and that ' ll say a lot more than any trophy evercould. o t

ED-torial (Con't)***My other point is about the ' critics ' of the world . My brother was able to takethe loss with grace , but my father wasn ' t able to . Parential pride is sensative,but not as personal as a critique against ones body. Dad complained about the judgesthe opponents from outside the Binghamton area (" I thought this was suppose to bea local event!!!"), etc.***Personally, I think people in general are able to handle themselves. It's niceto get posative support in your favor, but I frown upon those who'll readilly givenegative criticism to those opposing their friends/loved ones. Look at how all ofthe cliques work in our hobby. Most of them work such that Andy gets abused byBob, and Chris helps Andy by writing letters to EE about how bad Bob is. You getthe idea.***If people were to stop saying nasty/critical things about one another (except inself-defense), do you suppose there would be less infighting in the hobby? For themost part, I've tried my best in staying out of controversies because my presencewould only complicate matters. Perhaps others get involved in aiding others indefending themselves to boost their own egos which were somehow hurt, or just tomake themselves feel good?***Any comments?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------***I hope that ED-torial was coherent enough. I didn't sit down and outline thething; I just sat at the typewriter and wrote whatever came to mind. I think youget the gist of my thrust in that people shouldn't be so concerned about their egos.The rest of the world could get along fine without my presence, as is the case withevery other human being. The world isn't, therefore, always keeping a spotlight uponus. That allows us to go ahead and do whatever makes us comfortable as long asnobody else is hurt in doing so.***School is about to start again. I'll be taking some courses on Marketing, PublicSpeaking, Personel Mgmt and Mgmt of Service Operations. I hope that my courseworkwill allow me to get a better job next summer.***In preparation for the Fall semester, I declared the week of August 20th as"Attitude Adjustment Week". This is a period of time in which I "un-mellow" out,and do whatever I damn well please wIIenever I damn well please. This includes timeup at the park getting some sun, some bar hopping and whatever else comes naturally...----------------------------------------------------------------------------------ATLANTICON***The first weekend in August was when ATLANTICON was held in Towson MD, and Iguess it was okay. There were not too many wargame events, and too many FRP eventsfor my taste. Not as many game dealers were there either. You know when things arebad when Avalon Hill doesn't show up! Rather, they had someone selling their titleson consignment.***I was able to pick up some new games. Amongst them are Jack The Ripper (a familygame for two players), Empires in Arms (a 7 man monster napoleonic re-enactment--doesEurope and Nth Africa on Corps level), VI Caesars (a simple multi-player game; moreon this later), the Central Scotland map for Railway Rivals and Calamity (a game ofbuying & selling high risk insurance policies). Also, I brought down a bunch of gamesand got rid of a good number of them. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough because Ibrought down about 7 grocery bags full, and came back with 4.***Highlights of the con: Rolling up Dippies & Hippies characters, having Mainardi,Wrobel and Tom Hillis (?) gang up on me in a VI Caesars game (grrrrrrr!), watchingthe ECC have the most vicious discussion on abortion I've ever heard and standing byfor round two in the Dip tourney (along with Uncle Al Pearson and Woody). Outaroom.

FINAL C01NNrLICT Pleiades "I 300f 20i rnF 2104The CastAUS: James Woodson (PC Box 18645; Corpus Christi, TX 78418)BRA: Nelson Heintzman (2255 Delaware Ave #C-4; Buffalo, NY 14216)CHI: Jeff Bohner 509 Twist Run Road; Endwell, NY 13760)PAL: Mykey Barno 2811 Robins; Endwell, NY 13760)RUS: Marc Peters 29 East Wilson #202; Madison, WI 53703)SAF: Brad Wilson (302 Friendship Drive; Paoli, PA 19301)USA: Eric Ozog (1526 North Lawler Ave; Chicago, IL 60651)GM: Tom Swider (PO Box 1324; SUNY Binghamton, NY 13901)(Summer: 1183 Robinson Hill: Endwell NY 13760)AUS (James) NMR! Has a DAR; f's PER,3CR,NEG,JAV,CHS,MAL; p PERBRA (Nelson) f mex(ec)-LAL; f CAR-new; f VEN-car; a cen-MEX; f rio-SWA;f S^'N-mea.CHI (Jeff)f jap-YEL/s f INN/;*a rek-s-f sha(r:Non,Sin,CTB); f SHA-s-f jar(otr.;imp); f VIE-h; P. BUR-s-f vie-ve imp;nso;etc).PAL (Nvkev) n som-l-SUN; a SCM-saes P SCM' .RUS (Marc) f nea-LAL'/s f :WG p E17/; f med-YEA; a mor-A.LG; a egy-SUD;a S.,U-h/s a SYR/; n CNS-prepares to blow any offending Chinese unitoff the face of Earth; f vla-SCJ/s f NwP p KAN/; f ber-NEP.SAF (Brad) f nwi-PSG; f IVO-mea ; f swi-NWI ; a ind-PAK; f NEI,; f SWA-U;a KEN-s-(pal)-a Som. ti-IdsUSA (Eric) f yel-PEK/s p PHI/; a alb-LOS; p HAW-h; f GRE-lab/s p QUE/;f N',+A-new.***With this season , we bid a fond farewell to Blarfo; his nuking of theIsland of Sumatra will go down (or up) the anals of history....New Province Ownership: Bra: Dal CHI:Mon? RUS:Sud,Alg SAF:Pak***Note that the PAL units are in civil disorder as per normal rules.

FINAL CC1:rLICTPhoenixFall 2103The CastALTS: Nelson Heintzman ( 2255 Delaware Ave ffC -4; Euffalo, NY 14216)BRA: Paul Rauterberg ( 4922 W Wisconsin Ave; Milwaukee , WI 53208)CHI: Eric Ozog ( 1526 N Lawler Ave; Chicago , IL 60651)PAL: Mark Frueh ( 1013 Milton St Ant 304; Madison , V, I. 53715)RUS: John Crosby (830 Hunterhill Trail ; Roswell , GA 30075)SAF: Mark Susko ( 15 Longview Ave; Binghamton., 13g05)USA: Dave Anderson (PC Boa..3761 ; Pontiac , NI 46050)GM: Tory Swide r (PC Box 1324 ; SUNY Binghamton., '-Y '3901)AUS Nelson) NMR. Has f's BOB,SUN;,JAV,SYD,ADE; p DAR.BRA (Paul) f dal-MEX(EC); a BEL-ama; f MWA-ven;*f o - (r:Arg,Swp,otb);f nea-FRA(NC).CHI (Eric) f & p pek-r-Sha. f chs-BOR; f sha-CHS; a bur-MAL/s p SHA/;a MAN- s-(usa )-f soj-vla.PAL (Mark) f med-BAL(SC)/s a GER/; f IBE-s- bra -f nea-fra(NC); p TUR-saGer; a mos-HUN; a kaz -MOS; f PSG-s-(saf)-f.ind; a SOM-h.RUS (John) NMR. Has a 's PEK,ARX,ITA f's NWG,YEL.SAF (Mark) f i au-NEA; f IND-h/s p MOZ/; f sei-PER; f swp-NEZ; a zai-KEN;a SEN-h/. (r: H4k*, Ala, L-*,P%R6, ct,;, Ne,.,Cr^ ,Ve.,,C.l,ot6)USA (Dave) f soj-VLA; a cen-CGL/s +p MEX/; a VEN-ama; f nwa-NEW; f lab-GRE.Winter 2103 builds are due to me by: August 25th, 1964More on next page...----------------------------------- ----------------------------- -------------------FINAL CONFLICT STANDBY LIST: Olsen , Peel . Any others?

aross gat ior,,- l ; r, eruct. _oAUS (2 Centers) ade,dar,BRI,SYD,neg,sum.Income= $10 + $8 saved - $18 maint = $fl to spendBRA (5 Centers) ANiA,BEL,SAL,RIO,mat,arg,bol,gui,fra,dal,MEX$21 income + $6 saved - $ 15 maint = $ 12 to spendCHI (6 Centers) MAN,SHA,CAN,VIE,MAL,BOR,bur.$19 income + $ 2 saved - $15 maint = $6 to spendPAL (10 Centers) EGY,SAU,TEH,BAG, syr,kur,pak,kaz,MCS,tur,bal,HUN, GER,IBE,MOR,lib,alg,sud,SON,.$39 income - $24 maint = $15 to spendRUS (2 Centers) YYy ,sca,ARK,pot,Q'V%,sin,mon,PEK,sib,kam,kor.$13 income + $2 saved - $15 maint = $0 to spendSAF (10 Centers) NEZ,MEL,PER, IKD,mad,CAP, NAM, bot,RF:O,MC,, ,ang,zam,ken.ZAI,ivo,cha,SEN,mau.$38 income + $7 saved - $21 maint = $24 to spendUSA (9 Centers) VLA,JAP,haw,ALA,I.CS,neb,CHI,NEW,QUE,gre,cen,VEN,CCL$31 income + $1 saved - $18 maint = $14 to spendNeutrals:bri,sas,ice,nig,phiNuclear News : ///'s in gaê reports shows a devastated s.c. NEP & OMS arenow passable . ENG produces in W'05 and OMS produces in W'06.***I won't assign standby players for RUS or AUS since they are only 2 centerpowers, and since I don't have any standbies to speak of.PRESS:ARIES: First, there's some CCA info. First, my SUNY PC 2ox should returnto normal, so please use that address. Secondly, Mark Frueh shouldbe announcing a COA fo- Aug 12; T'm s'nding this to "is old addressuntil T g-t his new address.. Lastly. As of Aug 25: Mark Susko;porter Quad Box D 323; SUNY Buffalo Amherst Campus; Buffalo, NY 14261BLACK to WHITE: I don't know what is wrong with the mail.but next is:KK-KB6. I'll be waiting for your reply.MARK to TOCCMMMY: Black Tower is a Rrhhinne wwwiinnneee! The officialwine for'all whiners. You should know that. What are we going todo with Cam?ARIES: Why don't we just _òorrrrgggeeettt about him, and maeayyybeee he'll. go awsaacay!USA to BRAZIL: I see w- can trust each other, so if you honestly want totry & work together the- write to me instead of trying to kidnapJR Ewing ( sigh ). We have come 'o pick noffeebeans in Columbia. Wewill be out in 'o tim-. Did w° get to visit Amazons, too?USA to ARIES Is it Vlad yet? Apologies to Boh Olsen.ARTES: No, but m-- ty'p writer is going on me!USA to RUSSIA: After shooting down an unarmed X75)/ passenger plane nearSakhalin Island, we must come & check out your installations atVladivostok for faulty radars. While we are there, we will needdupplies and-. ..----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -PDORA II***I should mention that I sent out on August 15th the results o the PDORA II toindividuals winning lots and to those offering merchandise. The net sum of thefund-raising was $280.46, which I think is pretty good! From what I understand,Mike Mills wants me to hold onto a partial amount which will eventually go to theBNC, though I will be petitioning a money donation in behalf of Robert Sacks, equalto the sum forwarded to Rod Walker's Ponteverdia. I feel that KGO is of equalvalue and should get some funding. I hope to print KGO on occasion here in ED,since ED is dedicated to the non-Diplomacy aspects of the hobby. O@

FROM ED WROBEL:^ a t't k o3 s _T P% -7-A e-ke4)5Dear Tom,I am writing to confirm my reservation in Dippies & Hippies, and request rulesand a character.Olsen's names are amusing, but it is too late to change now. BASH HIM BASH HIMBASH HIM! His pre-game partner maneuvering is patently illegal. As GM, it is yourresponsibility to put an end to this pre-game establishment of Cliques. If yourefuse to do so, I shall have no choice but to ask for an ombudsperson. My choiceis Ms. K. Byrne.In Nastinesse***You're in the game alright. Do you think you really had a say as to whether youwould play or not? I'm making you play this silly game, and your clone Peel willsuffer a similar fate!***I'm all in favor of all Olsen-bashing activities. So, I hereby declare all pregamecliques to be illegal in my D&H game. All offenders will receive a year's subscriptionto Politesse, Ed Wrobel's favorite xyn.FROM KEEN PEL:EdGet w/ it, Jack!Plug them Hogs!Ken PeelPremier, WARTHOG(Provisional)***Okay, here's your plug in your native tongue: Oink oink oink, ugh ugh ugh oink ugh.Oink Ed Wrobel grunt grunt oink ugh grunt, Ken Peel oink ugh ugh, Doug Byrnes ugh gruntgrunt grunt oink. Rrrwwll grunt PO Box 3463, Arlington, VA 22203 oink ugh rrwwl rwwwlEd Wrobel grunt.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------TERRY TALLMAN DEPARTMENT"SOME OF WOODY'S 'FRIENDS..***At ATLANTICON, Woody brought a book withhim that Tallman sent as a gift called"Hamsters & Gerbils" but Terry subtitled thebook "ARMENIAN SEX MANUAL". It was broughtto the party in my room (ECC beer bash) andleft there along with Ken Peels wallet, EdWrobel's only pair of good shoes, piles ofempties (which Woody stuffed in the dormdressers for new students to clean out) anda bottle of Jack Daniels (well, i a bottle)gratis Brad Wil:yM (also left in the drawersfor new students as a consolation prize forhaving to clean up the drawers we messed up).***Since I have my hands on this amusing document,I will print selections from it fromtime to time. Hope you enjoy it! It shouldgive everybody some insight into the Armenianpsyche.-iLe 6,,-H)e o-F J:-D.^J; Icon tea}C V% d Nb^ ^^Fc, zea....p' a5 a C.56 Ja716Nuj-s

With Foot in Mouth, I'm Proud to present......The ' Iclous Hate Shee t6====_------------------- _____#1 August 20, 1984Circulation: 0 by Tom Swider----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Welcome to my new subxyn; or rather, pseudo-subxyn. The Vicious Hate Sheetwill be the forum in which I will be running my Dippies & Hippies game. All ofthe game reports will be in sort of a mock Voice of Doom format. There will be aspecial section where I will have all of the statistical information for the D&Hgame, but everything else will be reported to the players in xyn format, similarto the way in which Jake Halverstaldt reports his Presidential Politics game.The game will get under way quickly (I hope). This time around, I will giveplayers their attributes. Also, available upon request, will be a player addressroster. I will not print all of the addresses each issue, though I will print anynew player's address when he joins the game, and I will add it to the roster.The rules are currently under re-write. So, use the rules that you have nowas a guide line. I expect the Houserules to be a major controversy in the subxynthat dares to look like VD! If you'd like a copy of the rules, either get out yourback issues of Coat of Arms or send me a SASE. All .players will receive a copy ofthe new rules once I have finished them.Below are the characters. Under the row marked "swing" will be either a numberor a "!" symbol. If there is a number, that means you didn't roll up your characterat Atlanticon, and you will have to prepare his stats for me at this time. I rolledthe dice for each of your attributes. To allow you to customize your character, Iwill allow you to transfer points from one atribute to another, up to the limit ofyour Swing number. Ex: With a swing of 4, you could transfer 3 pts from Power toParty, and 1 pt from Project to Persuasion. Note that you may not transfer pointsto the Power attribute.If your character has an "!", you did roll up your character at Atlanticon,and have personalized your character. If that is the case, somewheres I will havethe name you gave your character.WHAT YOU SHOULD SEND ME BY THE DEADLINE:1) The stats of your character after any adjustments.2) If you are a publisher in real life, you must also publish inthis game at the beginning (you can fold later on if you like).Please send me the name of the xyn which your character publishes.3) Send me a paragraph describing your character's personality. Thisinfo is for my eyes only.4) Press to other characters.- - - - - - - - - - - ^C^^1•XaZ^^^^^^^^^^^^vC.^^^c..^L^L^^KQ^ce^c^CK^^C^KKK.^L.^C^LK.a^.vc_at_•L.^L^•Z.^^.K^L^^C^^L^K^LThe Vicious Hate Sheet is a journal dedicated to postal Dippies & Hippies,which is a subxyn appearing along with Expletive Deleted in So I Lied, and by itselfin Retaliation. You can blame Tom Swider, 1183 Robinson Hill Road; Endwell, NY13760. Phone ( 607) 729-2830. To get this, you must sub to SIL or RETAL. You mayjoin the game at any time. Because of the nature of the game, no standbys are wanted.Dippies & Hippies is a registered trademark for a game invented by Allan B.Calhamer and Rod Walker and copyrighted by Robinson Hill Game Company.The deadline for all games contained herein is September 22, 1984' O

aXa^Y¢Ya @A S S H O L E***Welcome to ASSHOLE, my first section of Dippies & Hippies in TVHS. Likeits Voice of Doom counterpart, I name my games alphabetically, but I prefer toname my games after parts of the body instead of heavenly bodies.***I do not have a boardman number yet for ASSHOLE, though I've sent a requestfor one to the BNC.DM JM KP EW BW DB KB JC SA MB ML MS BO JE REPOWER 14 12 11 10 11 14 12 14 10 11 11 14 09 13 08PERSUASION 15 14 07 08 10 13 16 07 15 09 10 12 10 10 13PERSISTANCE 12 15 18 11 09 17 12 11 13 10 15 11 07 14 14PROJECT 10 12 11 21 13 10 13 10 17 09 12 11 13 08 10PRESS 10 13 09 13 09 09 07 06 09 15 09 15 13 09 11PARTY 10 09 04 13 13 13 05 12 11 13 07 11 15 12 10SWING ! 2? 3 5 2 5 2 2? 4?***Those with a "?" after their swing number are "maybe" players. I'm not sureif their intentions are to play in ASSHOLE, but I included them just to be safe.***I didn't have room at the top to type in complete names, so here's a listing.DM= Dick Martin JM= Julie Martin KP= Ken Peel EW= Ed Wrobel BW= Brad WilsonDB= Doug Byrnes KB= Kathy Byrne JC= John Caruso SA= Steve Arnawoodian MB=Mike Barno ML= Mark Larzelere MS= Mark Suskow B0= Bob Olsen JE= Joari ExtromRE= Randy Ellis.***One rules change which I should point out deals with how POWER works. The wayI will be running this game will have each player's POWER rating fairly stable.Should a player lose power points, he will slowly regenerate them until he reacheshis initial POWER rating. A player which gains power points will slowly lose whateverhe gained until his POWER is back to normal.***Every ten turns, however, your POWER rating will be readjusted by averaging your"current power" ratings during that time period. So, if your character usually hasa current power rating higher than his initial power rating, it will be adjustedlater to reflect his domination of dipdom.***Players that have current power ratings lower than their initial power rating willmake a "hobby disgust" roll, which if unsuccessful will result in your characterdropping out of the hobby. Needless to say, the lower your power rating is from yourinitial power rating, the better the chance you will drop from the hobby.***When a character drops from the hobby, he will be allowed to play for two more turnsin which he will be allowed special revenge attacks to get back at those who forced himout of dipdom.***Players will also be allowed an alternative option from attacking somebody. Insteadof starting a controversy , players may instead TOADY to other players, which will addstrength to their attacks , and allow the toady part of the ego-boost gained inostricizing a loner.***More next time.g o

0Yes, Tom, you can say "MadLad" in this zine; even I do it. See, nolightening from the sky. You can, however, expect to find your name oneighty four different chain letter lists over the rest of the year. Subtle,ain't I? As for ED being an ECC bastion in this zine, well, yer kidding yerself,son. Your presence here is suffered only because the MadCity Mafianeeds somebody for a whipping boy, and you've been elected. And as for that"most wretched hive..." crap--shame on you! What a blatant rip-off. I'msending this zine to Michalski, and then you'll REALLY have something to worryabout! Don't forget we're talking about the guy who shoots pregnantrabbits for the sheer joy of it all. Forget about Puppy now!-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Did you hear about the designer who came out with a three-cupped bra?Fashion experts give the bra a three to two chance of catching on.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Things you won't see in this issue: tasteful humor, more pictures fromMadCon (not because they don't exist, or because you might be tired of them,but because I misplaced them in the move; you'll see them next ish), any moreresponses to what James might say in his subzine (James thought I "ambushed"him by commenting in the same zine on something he'd written. The word "ambushed"seems a bit paranoidal, but he has a point; as the overall editor Icould always respond to his remarks while he wouldn't have the same privilege.),and finally what you won't see are the games' deadlines in a logicalplace. I forgot about them, so the announcement gets stuck here:******************************************************************************DEADLINE FOR 1984 HA IS 6 OCTOBER 1984; INSANITY DIP IS 27 OCTOBER 1984******************************************************************************This issue cannot be allowed to slide by without a plug of a zine or two;first I'd like to mention Thirty Miles of Bad Road. If you sub to only oneadditional zine this year, make it Mark Luedi's TMoBR--you won't be sorry. Ifyou can't afford to sub to another zine, demand a refund from this rag andsend the money to Mark. Amidst a growing field of zines , Thirty Miles standsout for its original wild creativity. Mark comes out with the type of humorand just general off-the-wall inventiveness you'll never see in another zine.One of Mark's favorite gimmicks is the variation on his title. Last issue was"Thirty Miles--America's Premium Bad Beer" and the issue came in the shape ofa can. The cover for "Thirty Miles of Bad Gestalt" had to be seen to be believed.And Mark has been on a creative roll lately: six zines in threemonths, I believe. Wow. Mark may not appreciate this review, as he alreadyhas over ninety subbers, but it would be a gross injustice not to alert you tothese masterpieces while they continue. Creative genius CAN burn out; jump onthe TMoBR bandwagon while its still in high gear. Issues are $.50/can (a" case " of 24 for $11!). Address is PO Box 2424 Bloomington, IN 47402.A new zine from California, Ultimate Cool is put out by Keith Sherwood.Keith makes the cardinal error of trying to convince potential subbers justhow Cool he really is. I say "error" because those who really ARE UltimateCool don't have to announce it. It's just like status: if you've got the$30,000 Rolls and a gorgeous blonde on each arm all the time, you don't haveto boast your status--it speaks loud and clear for itself. Same for being UltimatelyCool; if you have to announce it, y ain't got it! This nitpickingaside, issue #1 was very good. Keith appears to have some of those same creativeabilities that Mark owns. I suspect UC will continue to get better andbetter; if you appreciate good humor, I'd highly reccomend this zine as well.Issues are $.65, Keith' s address is 8866 Cliffridge Ave., La Jolla CA 92037.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------JUST ANOTHER BORING EDITORIAL-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Unless your subs to virtually every zine you receive have all expired atonce, you've undoubtedly noticed the amount of crap flying overhead thesedays. My experience in the hobby is limited to three years, which is notsubstantial; however this is certainly the most serious I've ever seen peopletaking themselves.Fueds are boring. Fueds aren't much fun. Fueds are generally peoplegetting upset over something that just isn't very important. Most fueds involvepeople with fragile pysches and/or inflated egos. Fueds seem to bestarted, in general, when "that person had the nerve so say something nastyabout me, and it was a LIE!" So what--am I supposed to be surprised? Can'tsay for you, but I find lies to be an everyday experience in life. It may bean upsetting revelation, but there are a lot of dishonest people out there.So what did you expect? The people who comprise this hobby are largely aggressivefolks who delight in deceiving fellow members and then symbolicallytearing them limb from limb, frequently chortling the whole while. And fromthese people one expects amiable behavior? Fat chance. It surprises me, notthat we have so many fueds, but that there aren't more. When you toss togetherso many people of diverse nature and beliefs, who basically share onlythe desire to figuratively disembowl each other, it is small wonder that somemiss the important border between keeping Dip a game and bringing their conflictsinto personal lives.So what's the problem? We have a pastime merely resembling life itself,where we all have conflicts with our boss, our coworkers, our friends, thatasshole in your favorite bar last night. In that last case, you probably hadto punch the jerk's lights out (although now that you think about it, youwouldn't have been so angry or feisty if you hadn't had all those drinks), inthe other cases you probably talked it out or just swallowed your ire. Butit doesn't seem to work that way in Dip. Fuedists seldom seem to talk thingsout, and NOBODY gets physical about their displeasure. (I imagine distancehas something to do with it. I know my game with Frueh just isn't as muchfun now that I can't growl menacingly at him and clench my fists when we discussthe game. Just the subtle hint of a bloody nose adds so much to negotiations!)But too many fuedists don't try to resolve their problem; insteadof Discussing, they Publish. This is why fueds between publishers are easilythe most bitter and prolonged. Long after a publisher would refuse to printa fuedist's diatribe because it was too bitter or because the fued was so oldit was boring, a pubber can continue to print his own material. And seldomdo these tirades content themselves with accusations and cries of self-innocence;no, they usually invite the rest of the hobby to become involved intheir personal dispute. The saddest part is that these attempts to solicitsupport for their "causes" are selom necessary, because there are alwaysthose just waiting to jump upon someone elses bandwagon. These proselytes donot care that they can't hope to really know what is really going on behindthe smokescreens of the combatants; they only wish to jump into the fray andmake their own pathetic voice heard. And so the issue mushrooms hopelesslybeyond its true importance. This, too, resembles the real world: two smallcountries have a dispute, one of the big powers becomes involved aiding itsally, another super power jumps into the fracas to offset its ideologicalfoe, and suddenly the minor powers realize that although they've resolvedtheir original dispute, they no longer have any control over the situation,it having be taken over by others. So these followers of Diplomacy fueds dono one a favor by jumping in on one side or the other; they serve only theirown causes.There is currently an outbreak of hostilities between Kathy Byrne andBruce Linsey. All sorts of nasty things have been said, and true to form allsorts of minions are plunging into the dispute and blathering on about thisor that. I have my opinion, just like everybody else, but do you think

you're going-to read about it here ? Darn right you are !! And that opinionis this: let them slug it out. Kathy has threatened to resign from the hobby,but that is patently impossible ; Kathy has FAR too much spunk to leavethe hobby under anything but her own volition . No, Kathy will always bearound to fight her own battles . As for Brux, he is as outspoken as ever andhardly needs others to do his writing for him . Kathy has also requested thatpublishers print a three -page " rebuttal " for her side of the story. By nowyou have guessed that you won't see it here , or you ' ve missed the whole pointof everything I've written.This is too long an article not to have a point to it , so I'll finallymake one, and it comes in the form of a request : don't get involved. Notbetween Bruce and Kathy , not between Caruso and Walker, not between me andthat bastard --oh, never mind . Perhaps some fuedists are concerned that thehobby will actually believe the lies others are spreading around about them,which is perhaps a legitimate fear. To that I reply , " What? !? Believe thesepeople , knowing full well they are DIPLOMACY players !?" Ha! fat chance.Let's ease their minds by showing them just how wrong they are. Let's showthem just how apathetic we really can be . Repeat after me: "Kathy WHO??What ' s a Brux?!? A Walker? Yeah , my old grandmother uses one of those toget around with !" And most of all, let ' em have at each other. It's goodfor them . The worst harm comes when you and I stick our noses in. Minesclean. How about yours?-----------------------------------------------------------------------------*****************************************************************************ATTENTION , PLAYERS IN " FOOLS OVERTURE ( 1984 HA): As you will probably havenoticed already, Dale Bakken (playing Italy ) and I now live under the sameroof. I realize this may create a problem for some of you. Orders receivedARE kept in a locked filing cabinet for which only I have a key; all of whichis irrelevant anyway since I've known Dale for fifteen years and trust himexplicitly . Further , I'm reasonably certain this would create no problem inmaking the game irregular as this sort of thing has occurred before withouteffecting the game . Nevertheless , if even one player has an objection to mycontinuing to GM this game , let me know. I've already discussed turning thisgame over to someone who has agreed to take it should it be necessary, sothere will be no delay. If you wish a new GM, please let me know as soon aspossible.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------GAME CORRECTION: After having printed the page with the Fool's overture gameon it, I notice that A Tri-Alb should have been F Tri-Alb . Take note please.*****************************************************************************The last contest went over like a lead balloon. Never one to learn fromhis mistakes , here I go again . This contest concerns the names of the gamesin the Insanity Dip game ( s). For THREE free issues, can you tell me wherethose names come from , who they are ( yes they're "peoples", as my niecesays ), AND what significance those names still have today ? This one's a lottougher than that first rediculously simple one , but maybe I'll be pleasantlysurprised?-----------------------------------------------------------------------------This next item is part of a ditty I learned from an acquaintance who works atthe UW in the Biology department . ( This from a guy with a PhD in genetics?)" My grandfather makes prophylactics he punctures each head with a pin.My father performs the abortions , my God how the money rolls in!Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in, rolls in!My brother is a missionary , he saves fallen women from sin.He'll save you a blond for ten dollars , my God how the money rolls in!Rolls in , rolls in, my God how the money rolls in!" (etc.)I wish I remembered more of the song, but when I heard it I was usually lateand it was pretty wasted. Or it was pretty late and I was pretty wasted.Well , it'was s omething like that . You know how vacations "up north" can be.

Accomplishment of the month: I bought the second Thomas Covenant trilogyand devoured all three books in about ten days. After having read-all-six ofDonaldson's efforts, I still can't see what the atraction is; nevertheless myreaction to the second three matched my feelings on the first trilogy. Theyirritate me, they frustrate me, they make me want to howl with sheeraggravation. But they don't bore me. Donaldson is a skillful writer, and thestories do move along. Unfortunately they keep moving along in the same wayall the time. Those who haven't read them won't understand what I'm babblibngabout; those who have, I'd love to hear some opinions on the books.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Stolen joke (from Faz?): A blind man walks into a department store, andsuddenly grabs his dog by the tail and starts swing him around, creating massconfusion among the shoppers. A manager hurries over and shouts at the man"Can I help you?!" "No thanks, replies the blind man, "Just looking around."------------------------------------------------------------------------------I was going to say a few words about the the recent political conventions,but they were so boring I can't make myself to do it. I thought theRepublicans might be so worried about the boredom factor that they'd welcomethe protesters as attention-getters. Instead, they let the picketers havetheir fun for three days until Ronnie hit the scene, then quickly bustedtheir asses, threw most of them in jail, and even impounded. their vehicles.BAMI no muss, no fuss. No fun, either. Remember the '68 Democratic convention?Now THERE was some fun !! This cartoon says it better than I could,anyway. When, oh when are we going to elect our president on the basis ofwho the people vote for? Trash the electoral college! It sucks.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Just another stolen joke, this one from Mazzer. (It's his feminist joke.):Three women apply for a job with an investment firm. Each is given anenvelope, and told there is $10,000 within; whoever returns the followingweek with the most money has the job. The first woman opens her envelope butfinds $11,000 dollars within. She goes right back and informs the companythat they've made a mistake and returns the extra $1,000. The second womanalso finds an extra $1,000 in her envelope and decides to pocket the extrathousand, thus making sure she comes away, with something. And the thirdwoman invests the extra $1,000 she finds. Now, which woman got the job?The one with the biggest tits, of course.(Ai^.'t that the way it goes?)------------------------------------------------------------------------------That's it for another ish. Hope nobody was too offended by the trash inthis zine. By the way, all this filth was my (Marc's) idea, so don't blameDebi for it. I was going to make some bo.=ing commentary on the continuingshame in South Africa, where orientals may finally get the civil rights theblacks there still don't have; and something about Ronnie's military bases inCentral America that he swears up and down are there for "training purposesonly" (as if we can't train here in the States). The CIA is denying any connectionwith the chopper that crashed killing two Americans, who just happenedto belong to a group of ex-military civilians who help out the CIA bygoing where the CIA can't officially go. The chopper took off from an Americanair base ; naturally our agencies know nothing about it. But that's alltoo depressing, so I won't talk about it. See Y'all next issue ," which WILLbe on time. Take care.

FILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLEDebi's FillerFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLERFILLEHere's the filler for this month. This month commends Marc's and mine fifth weddinganniversary. To honor this occasion, I decided to write about our marriage, our friendsand how all this ties into Diplomacy. Marc and I got married in the State Capitol.This set a tradition because after our marriage, my sister and Marc's mother also gotmarried there.During our wedding day, there are two individuals who are unforgettable people. Thefirst unforgettable person is Karen, who wore a dress to work for the first and lasttime. The other is Dale, who showed up right from work. These two people are still ourclosest friends... that's something to celebrate on our anniversary! (Now, Diplomacy wasnothing more than a term used by politicans at this time.)At one point during the next two years, Marc picked up a game in a shop calledDiplomacy. He decided to get a game started on some afternoon. I expressed someinterest in the game, so I was one of the seven players in our appartment on a winterSunday afternoon for a game among friends. (Isn't that what Diplomacy.stands for?)Marc discussed the rules and told everyone what they were in for: at least four hoursof a concentrated game. This first game lasted seven and half hours. And, no one gottired of it. However, I never thought that this game would take up one whole room inour home. (But, it has!)After one more year of marriage, I decided to have a surprise birthday party forMarc. We had always had a big party for our birthdays. His is October 7th and mine isOctober 8th. He was too discouraged to have our party, so I decided to have one forhim. Dale was living with us at the time and I asked him to invite the people he knewfrom Diplomacy games that Marc and he were playing in. The original Midwest Mob werethe first to show up to party that night. These people were Nancy Irwin, Mark Frueh,James Wall, Paul Rauterberg and Russ Russnak. (Russ, I put you last because I can'tremember if you were there...you were soooo quiet.)Like the rest of us, Karen didn't know what the Midwest Mob was during the party.Sb kept telling me for Weeks that there were "those people" who went upstairs to playDiplomacy. it was a successful party; however, because even though I didn't know thepeople standing in the study, Marc did and he was surprised! At long last, thank youall for being there and as we celebrate our fifth anniversary, I want to celebrate thesefriendships that have come from Diplomacy.In 1983, we returned to a joint birthday party which was held at the Animal House.Again, the same Diplomacy people came; but this time I know them. The only thing no oneknew was that it was my birthday too. (So for all you Midwest Mob, it's October 8th.)During these last five years, I have questioned many things and expressed myquestions to each of you, in one way or another, about "Why I'm doing what I'm doing?"However, most of all, I have questioned Marc and myself. During that time, I haven'tcome up with any answers, but I have discovered a couple of things. First, thank youall for helping us get to this point of celebrating our anniversary. Second,Marc--Thank you, most of all, for making it an anniversary.HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SWEETHEART!X^^, , I ^, 7 ^4 v) P_ - ) (\1T_

^ftSO I LIEDc/o Marc and Debi Peters1814 Cameron Dr. #3Madison , WI 53711FIRST CLASS MAILHEY, FOOL! YEAH YOU,THE WIMPY ONE! THISHERE 'S MR. T TALKIN'AT YA. DON'T MAKE MEMAD BY MISSIN THE COAABOVE, OR I'LL HAVE TOMESS UP YOUR ALREADYUGLY FACET,!! GRRRRR!!120 Akan127 3 Gat IDAweûwf^CA 9,2OL1

So I Lied! #3 Ã¢Â€Â“ September 4, 1984 - The Whining Kent Pigs

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