As Woody Allen has said: “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.”
This quote has resonated with me all the way through my leadership journey. For me, it is the fundamental issue about feeling paranoid – that sense of not knowing what is a genuine threat and what is not.
A quick disclaimer: I want to emphasise in this article that we are not discussing the medically diagnosed mental health condition, but the more common association of the word.
The definition of paranoia is: “The belief that you are being endangered in some way, such as by someone monitoring you or acting against you, despite the absence of evidence to support this belief. It happens to a lot of individuals at some time in their lives.”
When you are the leader, it is inevitable that some of your paranoia will be justified (as there are people who at times will be out to “get you” or sabotage you regardless of the lack of evidence), but much of it will not be justified and will only exist in your head.
Knowing that you don’t know for sure is one of the fundamental challenges for leaders. It creates an uncertainly that is unnerving. Trying to gauge which people wish you well and which would see you fail is exceptionally daunting and can exacerbate any feelings of vulnerability that you have. If indulged, an absolute overdose of insecurity and self-consciousness often ensues.
An integral part of being a calm leader is the ability to maintain your confidence and focus in the face of these feelings of paranoia. In this article, I explain why paranoia in leadership is inevitable and unavoidable. However, like most thought processes and emotional triggers, we can learn to control and handle paranoia and minimise its impact.
Calm leadership: A nine-part SecEd series
Patrick Cozier’s nine-part SecEd series on calm leadership is publishing all this year:
Part 1: What is calm leadership and why is it important? Published November 30, 2022
Part 2: Leadership of self: Developing a sense of perspective: Published January 17, 2023
Part 3: Imposter Syndrome: How to reduce the impact of this. Published February 20, 2023
Part 4: Everyone is out to get me! Dealing with the paranoia of leadership. This article.
Part 5: Leadership of people: The importance of human empathy and kindness. Published May 10, 2023
Part 6: Leadership is difficult: Embrace the role and value it. Published May 23, 2023
Part 7: The importance of honesty, integrity, and humility. Published June 12, 2023.
Part 8: Optimism during challenging times. Published June 26, 2023.
Part 9: There is no right way to lead, so be the best leadership version of yourself. Published July 3, 2023.
Early events in headship that fuel paranoia
What is it about leadership that makes paranoia inevitable? In the first article in this series, I referred to a time in the first few days in my headship when my PA informed me that I had upset a member of staff. It turns out that I had walked past them without saying good morning (my mind had been elsewhere). It was a key moment – my first experience of the whole new level of scrutiny that a headteacher’s actions can be subject to.
Another key event took place in 2010, in my fourth year of headship. The eruption of a once dormant volcano in Iceland had created an ash cloud that caused havoc with air travel in Europe.
It coincided with the Easter holidays and there was much speculation about schools docking the pay of staff who missed the start of term because they were stuck abroad.
My response was to reassure staff in the first meeting of the new term that we did not intend to respond in that way. I felt I was doing a good thing – the right thing. Imagine my shock when I was told after the meeting that some members of staff were heard saying that I had only taken this decision because one of those stuck abroad was a member of my senior leadership team.
As someone who has always had a generous and understanding approach to leave of absence I was stunned and (if I am honest) hurt. I took it personally and it stung.
However, it taught me to recognise that people will (often) judge you according to their own assumptions which have nothing to do with anything you have actually done. Taking it personally is natural, but to achieve calmness it is an absolute no-no!
In truth, 2010/11 was a big learning curve for me and still represents my lowest point as a headteacher. We were coping with a significant budget deficit and were in dispute with trade unions about measures we had taken to address the hole in our budget.
The dispute itself was fine as I completely understood the resistance to the choices we were making. In my view they were necessary and unavoidable for the survival of the school. However, they did affect the working life of many members of staff. Criticism and upset was inevitable and I was prepared for this, albeit with trepidation.
However, what was hardest to take were the ways in which some things were depicted. Things that people said, accusations that were made (particularly inaccurate assertions about my intentions), and the overall sense of division within the school were really hard to endure on a personal level.
I remember walking into the staffroom one Monday for our staff briefing and seeing anti-leadership leaflets and some staff reading them as I got ready to deliver my briefing. The leaflets were sometimes cruel – often going beyond a critique to what would be better described as satirical and disrespectful.
It was painful to witness the impact on my senior leader colleagues at the time who were all under fire too. My role was to look after them, take care of all staff, and maintain a positive and upbeat outward persona, all while trying to look after myself. It was tough. It sounds dramatic, but during that time I had lost faith in humanity and human kindness.
It was how low I felt, and it was a hard lesson. I knew that I had to develop a thick skin – I could not allow this sort of thing to destroy me.
Criticism is inevitable: Developing a thick skin
“They just don’t get it,” I said to my leadership coach back then. She replied, “Yes Patrick. You’re right. They don’t get it. And why should they?”
The penny dropped!
You cannot truly understand what you haven’t experienced– it’s an unreasonable expectation. As a leader I was frustrated by the over-simplified interpretation (and criticisms). I used to think “if only they understood…” – but this was never going to be the case.
It never ceases to amaze me how convinced people who have never performed a role can be that they know how to do a better job than those who are experienced and doing it.
Criticism can come from a lack of understanding. Having pieces of the picture do not amount to understanding or seeing the whole. Over time I have learnt to accept this, although this does not come from a place righteousness – no way!
It is not about whether the criticism is justified or not. It is about the decision to openly (and sometimes cruelly) criticise others. If one understood the complexities and the pressures of leadership, one might be inclined to have a greater tolerance and “cut leaders a little slack”.
Calm leadership accepts that criticism is inevitable but has the skill and judgement to separate what is useful, well-meaning feedback from that which comes from a more negative place. This is crucial to developing a thick skin and remaining calm.
Don’t accept the ‘gift’
If someone tries to give you a present, but you choose not to accept it, who does the gift belong to? It belongs to the person who tried to give it.
When people try to give you their negative judgements, rudeness, criticism, anger, frustration, and any other things that try to bring you down, you don’t need to accept it. To do so risks your confidence, poise, balance and mental health and wellbeing.
Of course it is easier said than done, but to lead for the long term it is necessary – and this can be learnt and developed. You have to keep telling yourself that people’s opinions and views belong to themselves and are just that – opinions and views, not unchallengeable facts.
It is also important to consciously and deliberately remind yourself of those people who do not share the view of the critics.
Stop over-thinking
Over-thinking is the curse of the paranoid leader. It is hard to stop, but it is a must. As I mentioned in article three on imposter syndrome, my predecessor at Highgate Wood, Pauline Ashbee, once told me: “You can choose what to think.”
You have to train yourself to think differently or focus on things that reassure you. Some of the techniques I described in that article around reframing your thought process to overcome imposter syndrome can be adopted here too.
In addition, you have to stop caring what other people think. That doesn’t mean you ignore views, contributions, and shared experiences from others – far from it. It is about avoiding the “tittle-tattle” – turning down the noise created by the naysayers and being selective and deliberate in the ways in which you choose to get your feedback. Be bolder about leading by your own values and rules without being distracted by the agendas of others. Avoiding over-thinking allows you to be more focused on what is important and to stick to your purpose.
Assess whether your paranoia is justified
As mentioned, one of the biggest challenges is to try to work out where the threats come from. What is a genuine reason to be “paranoid” and when is it just over-thinking?
It is difficult to achieve this relying solely on your own judgement. You need other people around you to give you feedback – to help you make sense of what is going on.
You need good people who keep their ear to the ground. You need people you can trust. People who have your back and will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear.
However, this does come with a warning. There have been times when I have had very trusted staff members outside of the senior leadership team who have had my back. It is really comforting to have this support. These people also saw fit to tell me about everything that was going on – any reaction to my decisions, something I said, or even how I delivered a staff meeting and even how I looked!
Some feedback is helpful, but it can be too much! A trusted colleague can be well intentioned, but sometimes the regularity and detail of the feedback can actually add to your over-thinking and feelings of paranoia. Like most things – balance is required.
Nevertheless, having such sources of information is invaluable in terms of having a better picture of the landscape. It helps you develop a good sense of who you can really trust and who you can’t. It helps your understanding of the organisation, the affiliations, and the internal politics, which is critical. Find yourself people who can do this for you.
Be yourself – unapologetically
“I am who I am… your approval isn’t needed.” I love this quote, which has been attributed to the actor Jack Nicholson.
When you are confident and assertive about who you are as a leader. When you are clear about your purpose. When your actions are aligned with your values. When you are able to lead with authenticity – then paranoia is minimised to a point where it will not impact on your leadership.
As ever, I will leave you with a couple of activities/challenges.
Think about who your trusted people are. Speak to them about how important they are to you and talk through how you would like them to help you stay informed and balanced. Be open about your insecurities and let them know when enough becomes too much in terms of feedback.
Practise seeing the opinions of others as “gifts” to be accepted or rejected. It is a good discipline as it helps protect you from those negative opinions that seek to dent your confidence.
- Patrick Cozier is an experienced secondary school headteacher of 16 years. He leads Highgate Wood School in Haringey. In addition to his day job, he chairs the Haringey Secondary Heads’ Forum and takes a leading role in the work of the Racial Equity Group (part of the Haringey Education Partnership). He serves as a trustee for the charity Show Racism the Red Card As a member of the black community, he is passionate about seeking equality, justice, and fair outcomes for people of colour. He is currently developing what he refers to as the “Calm Leadership Approach”. Find Patrick on Twitter @CalmLeadership and LinkedIn.