HOW TO TALK IT OUT

Step One: STOP! COOL OFF!

(Give Your Brain Time to Think!)

Step Two: TAKE TURNS

TALKING AND LISTENING
TO EACH OTHER.
(Treat Each Other With
Respect.)

Step Three: FIND OUT HOW

YOU BOTH FEEL AND
WHAT YOU BOTH NEED.
( Start with “I need...”.)
 Step Four: BRAINSTORM
POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS.
( What might each of you do so
that you both get what you need
and want?)

Step Five: CHOOSE THE IDEA

YOU BOTH LIKE BEST.

Step Six: MAKE A PLAN TO

MAKE IT WORK. GO FOR IT!
(It will only work if both of
you want it to!)

IF YOUR SOLUTION DOES NOT WORK OUT, COME BACK AND

TRY AGAIN! TALK ABOUT WHAT DID NOT WORK.
 What is Conflict?

“Perception of Incompatible Aspirations”

PIA=C
Not all interactions involve conflict...
Most of the time, people manage to get
along with others with consideration,
helpfulness and skill..

…and when conflict arises more often than

not it is settled

On the other hand all interactions present

a potential for conflict
…but conflict is going to happen
Whether you like it or not…

regardless of your best intentions…

or how hard you try you avoid it…
conflict will happen in your life…
and you will find yourself, your groups and
your society in conflict…

….time after time

 The Good News…

Conflict promotes change

(internal and external)

Provides for ways to facilitate the

reconciliation of legitimate but
opposed interests

Conflict is the growing edge of

relationships
 …and the Bad News.

if mismanaged, conflict is fully capable

of destroying relationships, and
wreak havoc
in
our personal life,
groups,
the larger society
and the entire World
 The central question in Conflict
Management

“How can we avoid conflict’s potential

for destruction and turn it into an
agent of change and growth?”
Conflict Management Services

• CONSULTATION

• MEDIATION & FACILITATION

• SKILL BUILDING
 Nature of conflict
• Conflict is always possible when more
than one person is involved in any activity.
• Potential for conflict is always present
• Occurs in every normal human
relationship
 REASONS OF CONFLICT
MANAGEMENT

• Change
• Different communication styles
• Mismatched goals, mismatched
expectations, and mismatched values
• Limited resources
 PROCESS OF CONFLICT
MANAGEMENT
• Conflicts arises due to extreme power
imbalance, social injustice, or structural
violence where people find it difficult to
satisfy their basic human needs
• LEVELS OF CONFLICT
– Internal
– Interpersonal
– Institutional
 Internal
• Torn between two competing choices, or
sides
• Feel conflicting emotions in viewing an
issue, or a group
• Can see valid arguments in support of
both views
 Interpersonal
• Disagreement or distrust develops
between two or more individuals
• Leads to coolness and tensions in the
relationships
• If unresolved, interpersonal conflict almost
inevitably spreads among other members
of group
• Awareness of self and awareness of
others is critical.
 Institutional
• Involves conflict between groups
• Groups may be formal or informal
• Sometimes groups are organized for the
specific purpose of engaging in conflict
and other groups are organized to counter
those efforts.
• Usually find competing groups are well-
intentioned, firmly convinced of rightness
of their positions
 FORMS OF CONFLICT
• Latent
• Overt
 Latent

• Conflict cannot be observed, but it exists

nevertheless.
• Tensions and dissatisfaction exist, but
there are no visible evidence of that
conflict
• Results of latent conflict are anxiety,
stress, frustration, discontent, and
disharmony
 Overt

• If not relieved or resolved, latent conflict

leads to overt conflict.
• Action takes place; frustration and anxiety
are expressed, mistrust becomes distrust
• If appropriate and decisive action is not
taken to relieve the causes of the conflict,
the conflict will pose serious risks to the
organization.
 PARTS OF CONFLICT

• Core
– Involves the basic things that the conflict is
about – the incompatible interests, unmet
needs, fundamental value differences
• Complicating factors
– Extra issues and problems that occur as the
conflict goes on that; makes dealing with the
core conflict more difficult
 Five Myths about Conflict

• Conflict is dysfunctional in the workplace

• Conflict represents communication
breakdown
• If avoided, conflict will eventually go away
• All conflicts can be resolved
• Conflict always results in a winner and a
loser
 STYLES OF MANAGEMENT
CONFLICT

• AVOIDING
• ACCOMMODATING
• COMPETING
• COMPROMISING
• COLLABORATING
 AVOIDING

• Effective when the conflict is temporary

• The risk of engaging is too high

• Avoidance does not solve the problem

• May make the situation worse as time

goes on
 ACCOMMODATING
• Effective when the conflict is temporary

• A way of maintaining harmony by

maintaining cohesiveness

• Sacrificing one’s values or principles

• You may lose the respect of others.

 COMPETING
• Best (or only) way to reach one’s goals is
to overrule others

• This approach frequently disregards the

concerns of adversaries completely

• The power-based method is appropriate

 COMPROMISING

• Compromising gives up more than

competing but less than accommodating

• Compromising requires cooperation and

might mean exchanging concessions

• Compromising is sometimes appropriate

when you’ve been unable to reach an
acceptable agreement
 COLLABORATING

• Requires cooperation and might mean

exchanging concessions

• Increases commitment to working together to

resolve conflicts.

• To meet one’s own needs and those of others

as well
 Contd..

• conflict provides opportunities to work with

others to produce resolutions that serve
both individual and common interests

• process of working together for a solution,

better decisions result, and the
relationship between the conflicting parties
improves
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
TOOL

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
COMPETING

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
ACCOMODATING

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
AVOIDING

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
COMPROMISING

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
COLLABORATING

Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
 Handbook of Industrial
and Organizational Psychology
Conflict resolution implies solving, or closure

Where as

Conflict management implies something less

 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
• Two categories:-
– traditional win-lose
– consensus building win-win
• Consensus not appropriate in all
circumstances
• Desire for cooperative resolution
• Participants desire to work things out
 Negotiations
• Best way to solve any type of conflict
• 4 principle are:-
– Parties must understand the process and
view it as an effective way
– All parties must be willing to engage in a
mutual gains approach
– The parties must prepare in advance of
sessions
– The parties must be willing to engage in good
faith
 Principles for negotiation
• Separate the people from the problem
• Focus on interests
• Generate opinions
• Use objective criteria
APPROACHES TO CONSENSUS
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
• Partnering – for prevention
• Facilitated Negotiations – for
management
• Mediation – for resolution
 Partnering
• Establishes mutual goals and objectives
• Parties consider their ongoing relationship
to be important to the overall achievement
of shared goals and objectives
• Enables parties to anticipate and resolve
problems
• Avoids disputes through informal conflict
management procedures
• Way of unifying all parties into a team
 Facilitated Negotiations
• Failure to agree does not clearly benefit one or
more parties
• Suspicion and/or personality clashes have
developed
• Communication between parties has broken
down or an impasse has been reached
• Tensions, emotions, or transaction costs running
high
• No single right solution that is required and
unalterable
• Parties want or need to maintain some ongoing
relationship
 Mediation
• Mediation is a voluntary process.
• Makes it attractive to many because it is their
choice
• Resolution and settlement decisions are
made jointly by the parties
• Decisions are placed in hands of those who
are affected by them
• Relationships are often repaired and
preserved through process.
• Does not take away anyone’s rights
 Skills for Conflict Management
• WIN-WIN APPROACH
• CREATIVE RESPONSE
• EMPATHY
• APPROPRIATE ASSERTIVENESS
• COOPERATIVE POWER
• MANAGING EMOTIONS
• WILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE
• MAPPING
• BROADEN PERSPECTIVES
 WIN-WIN APPROACH
• About changing the conflict from
adversarial attack and defense to
cooperation

• Powerful shift of attitude that alters the

whole course of communication

• Partners rather than opponents

 CREATIVE RESPONSE
• The creative response to conflict is about
turning problems into possibilities.

• It is about consciously choosing to see

what can be done, rather than saying “how
terrible it is”!

• It is affirming that you will choose to

extract the best from the situation.
 EMPATHY

• Awareness of others

• Empathy is about rapport and openness

between people.

• Best way to build empathy is to help other

person feel understood
 APPROPRIATE
ASSERTIVENESS
• Awareness of self

• Being able to state your case without

arousing the defenses of the other person

• It’s not being polite

 COOPERATIVE POWER
• Responding to resistance from others

• Explore the difficulties and then re-direct

discussion to focus on positive possibilities
 MANAGING EMOTIONS
• Handling yourself
• Don’t indulge
• Don’t deny
• Create richer relationships
 WILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE…
• Does the situation inform or inflame?

• The more someone inflames me, angers

or upsets me, the more I know I have
something to learn about myself from that
person.
 MAPPING
• Define briefly the issue, the problem area or
conflict in neutral terms that all would agree on
and that don’t invite a yes or no answer.
– Issue:
• Precipitating events
• Historical context
– For each party:
• Who
• Needs
– Concerns:
• Facts, values, interests
– Tactics
– Power
– Goals
 BROADEN
PERSPECTIVES
• Respect and value differences

• Each person’s viewpoint makes a

contribution to the whole and requires
consideration and respect in order to form
a complete solution.
Ernie the Elephant
Learns About
Managing Conflict
One day after school, Lisa the
Lion and Jim the Jaguar decided
to go play video games at the
local arcade.
When they got to the
arcade, the kids saw a
new game. It was called
“Space Invaders.” Lisa
and Jim were both very
excited and wanted to
play the game.
Lisa and Jim began to
argue over who would
play the game first. Lisa
got angry and grabbed
Jim’s hat and threw it on
the floor.
This made Jim VERY mad and he pulled
Lisa’s hair. Then, Lisa began to cry and told
Jim “I am not your friend anymore, meanie-
head.”
Heather the Hawk had been playing a game
nearby and saw everything that had
happened. Heather is Lisa’s best friend and
she got mad at Jim and decided to punch
him.
Just as she was about to punch him, Ernie the
Elephant came over and said “You should not
fight, and violence is NOT the answer. Why
don’t we go get something to eat and talk
about what happened?”
After the four friends talked about everything
that happened, they promised each other that
they would never fight again. They decided to
always talk about
how they felt.
 Flowchart For Problem Resolution

YES NO
Is It Working?
Don’t Mess With It!
YES Did You Mess
With It?
You IDIOT!
NO

Anyone Else YES YES

SCREWED! Will it Blow Up
Knows? You’re
In Your Hands?

NO
NO NO
Can You Blame
Hide It! Someone Else? Look The Other Way!

YES
NO PROBLEM!