The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Spaghetti Catalyst (2010)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?

  Penny : Everyone.

  Sheldon Cooper : Harsh terms, but alright. I'll just substitute "intercourse"

  Penny : [sarcastic]  Great.

  Sheldon Cooper : or "fornication". But that has judgemental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve.

  Penny : So, how you been?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.

  Penny : You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?

  Sheldon Cooper : Bazinga!

• Raj Koothrappali : Sure, he's over it. That's why he's been trying to invent that memory wiping device from "Men in Black".

  Sheldon Cooper : Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.

  Howard Wolowitz : So would Ben Affleck.

• Sheldon Cooper : [last line; while sleeping, calmly]  No Goofy. No.

• Howard Wolowitz : The point is, you have to take sides. Are you on Team Penny or Team Leonard?

  Sheldon Cooper : Which team picks last?

  Howard Wolowitz : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : In high school, I was always in the team that picks last, unless there was a kid in a wheelchair.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Knock, knock, knock]  Penny,

  [knock, knock, knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny.

  [Knock, knock, knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny.

  [Sheldon is holding up one hot dog] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Here. I had to trade the others for my life.

• Sheldon Cooper : I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce.

  Penny : Yep.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that's what the Romans made Jesus eat.

• Sheldon Cooper : Well... then as my meemaw would say: "Looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon."

• Leonard Hofstadter : Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.

• Leonard Hofstadter : When you say "seeing Penny", what exactly does that mean?

  Sheldon Cooper : We had dinner last night. She made spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in the sauce. Well, little hot dog. I had to give the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real big dog. A hellhound. Tangential to the main story. Let me backtrack.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Why did you eat dinner with us?

  Sheldon Cooper : I didn't want you guys to feel bad. Howard had informed me that my allegiance be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Are you sure he didn't say bros before hos?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I changed the phrasing so as not to offend the hos.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Coming into the apartment lobby]  Uh oh.

  Penny : [Standing by the mail boxes]  What?

  Sheldon Cooper : [Still at the doors]  I was going to get my mail.

  Penny : Okay.

  [Sheldon doesn't move] 

  Penny : Are you hoping to get it telepathically?

  Sheldon Cooper : I think you mean telekenitically. And no.

  [Moves to the mail boxes] 

  Sheldon Cooper : I just wasn't sure of the protocol now that you an Leonard are no longer having coitus.

  Penny : God, can we please just say "No longer seeing each other"?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, we could if it were true, but as you live in the same building you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed... is the coitus.

  Penny : Okay, here's the protocol: You and I are still friends and you stop saying "coitus".

• Penny : How's Leonard doing?

  Sheldon Cooper : He seems alright, although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Although, now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that.

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm also pleased to report that he's all cried out over you.

  Penny : He's been crying?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn't supposed to mention.