Dear Jido,
My husband and I have struggled to make enough income to cover our monthly expenses and are watching our limited savings deplete steadily.
My husband’s parents both own their own companies and are extremely wealthy. They are also very charitable and donate large sums of monies to various community organizations.
I try to tell myself that it’s everyone’s right to choose how to spend their own money, but I can’t help but feel increasingly resentful that they don’t offer us financial support, when they’d be able to do so without any negative impact on their own standard of living.
I want to continue having a good relationship with them, but I’m struggling. Can you help me figure out how to let go of my resentment?
Signed,
Distraught
Dear Distraught,
Your question seems to indicate that you have accepted that the situation is not going to change. In that case, you gave the answer in your own statement – keep telling yourself, “Everyone has the right to choose how to spend their own money.”
But you must be careful because resentment can eventually lead to deeper feelings of animosity and that would be a terrible thing. Even if you never act out your feelings, Hashem warns, “Don’t hate your fellow Jew in your heart.”
Therefore, although the simple answer is just to get over it, due to family dynamics, it might be best to do something about it before it goes too far.
First, of course, you need to understand why they have not offered their resources to their son. Perhaps they don’t realize your need, or they may not be happy with the type of vocation he has chosen to support his family and are purposely withholding funds. Or they might even see it as a temporary situation that will serve to encourage their son to work hard and get ahead.
So, maybe start a simple conversation one day when Dad or Mom come over to visit. You can say something like this: “Dad/Mom, I don’t know if you’re aware, but Joe and I have been working so hard to make ends meet and it just doesn’t seem to be working. Do you have any suggestions of where we can turn to ease our burden?”
Be prepared for the worst. They may say things you never really wanted to hear. At least then you’ll be able to understand their position and know better how to work through your emotions.
Or, maybe the best-case scenario will unfold, and finally you’ll be able to support your family the way you’ve always dreamed.[Text Wrapping Break]
Good luck,
Jido